i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
