just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
