he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
