My balls are so social today.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
