I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
