So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
