At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
