I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
