so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
