I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
