I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
