Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
