Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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