I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
