there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
