U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
