DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
