And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
