dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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