I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
