listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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