My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
