This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
