I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
