i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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