fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
