That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
