i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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