I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
