She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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