you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
