I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i think i just lost a toe
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
