It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
