You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
