Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
