birth control should be required to get into college
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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