my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
