Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i think im in europe. pls send help
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
