I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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