so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So many bounce houses so little time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
