I will die if light touches me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
