5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
