Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
