she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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