the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
