there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
