After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
