its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
