Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
