i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
