Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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